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BLAINESWORLD
#570 9.3.2007 In this issue: 1. Reflections 2. FYI 3. Chocolates 4. Reviews . . . 2 DAYS IN PARIS, etc. 5. TV alert 6.Nine months later 7. Websites 8. Computer tip 9. That's the way the cookie crumbles 10. A quote I like 11. Thought for the day 12. Advance planning department _________________________________________________________ 1. Reflections
A. Cynthia, my beautiful bride, and I didn't get to take much of a summer vacation . . . we had been slated to spend a week in Maine, but had to turn around after one day when her mom died. So when my brother suggested we spend a long weekend in London, we said "great" and away we went. That's the two of us in front of a statue of Charlie Chaplin in Leicester Square: ![]() B. In three, too-brief days and four nights, we had a blast . . . we were
lucky, in that our flights via Air India were mostly on time (though we were not very impressed with the airline's cleanliness--or lack thereof) . . . our hotel, The Metropolitan, was splendid . . . the weather was quite nice . . . so was the weather; it didn't rain a drop our whole time there. We ate at various local pubs and though I wouldn't say we had any spectacular meals, the food wasn't bad . . . one night, of course, we had to have fish and chips . . . I enjoyed this particular dish more than Cynthia did. Naturally, we managed to find places to get ice cream, including both Ben & Jerry's and Haagen-Dasz . . . hey, you can take the Greenfields of Belle Mead only so far without having them get a daily "fix" of their favorite comfort food. C. We also walked a great deal, seeing as much of London as we could . . . in doing so, we managed to take a trip on the London Eye (the giant Ferris wheel, overlooking the entire city), see the changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace, observe Big Ben and the fact that it was over an hour behind time, take a double decker bus tour, visit the Chinatown section, etc. In addition, we did something else that we like to do when away; i.e., get a massage . . . when waiting at Kennedy Airport before our flight took off, we stopped at a store there for a relaxing reflexology session. D. We saw two shows at night . . . the first, BOEING, BOEING, was hilarious . . . Rhea Perlman of CHEERS fame was in the cast, but she was perhaps the last funny performer on stage . . . Neil Stuke and Doon Mackichan, however, had us in stitches throughout the evening . . . then on the next night, we were mesmerized by BILLY ELLIOT . . . it is a musical treatment of the movie by the same name that you MUST see, either if you're in London or when it comes to New York . . . the dancing was spectacular, as was the performance of Travis Yates in the leading role . . . we saw him in his last night in the role, made even more special by glowing words spoken about him by both his director and one of the other stars of the show . . . his parents were there, as well, and they too were called up on stage after the last number. On our other night in London, Sunday, we saw a movie since virtually no shows were open . . . to see what we thought of our choice, 2 DAYS IN PARIS, please see Section 4C. ***** BLAINESWORLD BEST AWARD ***** This week, it goes to Ken Greenfield--my brother. First of all, he made it possible for Cynthia and I to go to London by taking care of all our arrangements: hotel, plane, etc. . . . as I've always told him, it's too bad that he never became a travel agent. A few weeks ago, he also took care of everything for my mom's birthday party . . . when it comes to such details, nobody is better. He has also been one fine son to my mom, particularly over these last several months when she has not been well . . . he visits constantly, makes sure she has an aide, sets out her medicines, etc. And perhaps most importantly, he has put up with me and my cr*p for these past 58 years! Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 2. FYI The tipping point at which a couple starts rewriting their loves story, [John] Gottman finds, is when the "magic ratio" dips below five-to-one: Successful couples have a ratio of five times as many positive interactions (such as expressions of love, affection, and humor) to negative ones (such as expressions of annoyance and complaints). It doesn't matter if the couple is emotionally volatile, quarreling eleven times a day, or emotionally placid, quarreling once a decade; it is the ratio that matters. "Volatile couples may yell and scream a lot, but they spend five times as much of their marriage being loving and making up," Gottman found. "Quieter, avoidant couples may not display as much passion as the other types, but they display far less criticism and contempt as well-the ratio is still 5 to 1." When the ratio is five to one or better, any dissonance that arises is generally reduced in a positive direction. For example, social psychologist Ayala Pines, in a study of burnout in marriage, reported how a happily married woman she called Ellen reduced the dissonance caused by her husband's failure to give her a birthday present. "I wish he would have given me something-anything-I told him that, like I am telling him all of my thoughts and feelings," Ellen said to Pines. "And as I was doing that I was thinking to myself how wonderful it is that I can express openly all of my feelings, even the negative ones…The left over negative feelings I just sent down with the water under the bridge." SOURCE: MISTAKES WERE MADE (BUT NOT BY ME) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson that's also reviewed in Section 4C FYI, part 2 * Barbara in Pennsylvania: Get your flag ready for 09/11/2007 Please join us in this FLY THE FLAG campaign and PLEASE forward this email immediately to everyone in your address book asking them to also forward it. We have a little less than one week and counting to get the word out all across this great land and into every community in the United States of America. THE PROGRAM: On Monday, September 11th, 2007 , an American flag should be displayed outside every home, apartment, office, and store in the United States. Every individual should make it their duty to display an American flag on this sixth anniversary of our country's worst tragedy. We do this honor of those who lost their lives on 9/11, their families, friends and loved ones who continue to endure the pain, and those who today are fighting at home and abroad to preserve our cherished freedoms. In the days, weeks and months following 9/11, our country was bathed in American flags as citizens mourned the incredible losses and stood shoulder-to-shoulder against terrorism. Sadly, those flags have all but disappeared. Our patriotism pulled us through some tough times and it shouldn't take another attack to galvanize us in solidarity. Our American flag is the fabric of our country and together we can prevail over terrorism of all kinds. * Joyce in New Jersey: Just wanted to show this to everybody; one of my buddies is becoming a trooper, and he sent this to all of our friends. NJ is starting up a 30 day speeding ticket rally. From what I hear, every trooper assigned to this has to hand out 1 ticket every 10 to 20 minutes. They will be focusing in and around this area so watch out. Here's what a New Jersey State trooper sent: Starting today, New Jersey will launch a 30 day speeding ticket frenzy. The state estimates that 9 million dollars will be generated in speeding tickets. 1 million will go to pay state troopers' overtime. There will 50 state troopers on duty at all times patrolling the 9 main intersections and highways. They are the following: I-295 north and south I-95 (Jersey Turnpike) north and south I-80 east and west I-287 north and south I-78 east and west 1-195 east and west 1-280 east and west Rt. 130 north and south Garden State Parkway north and south I'm warning everyone now that 5 mph above the limit can justify a ticket and every state trooper is supposed to pull a car over and write a ticket every 10 to 20 minutes. They have issued 30 brand new unmarked Crown Victoria cruisers and are bringing in all of their part timers on full time. If you work in NJ, NY, DE or CT, you will probably take one of these highways. It's up to you how fast you are going when they clock you. 101.5 FM confirmed all of this. So be safe and don't forget speeding tickets are on you. You've been warned." Then the same friend, emailed me the following: Driving ticket fine increase in NJ Starting on August 15th, the price of a ticket for violation of NJ Law 39:3-29 (failure to show your driver's license, registration or insurance card at the time you are stopped) is going from $44.00 to $173.00. Please make sure your vehicles have the proper documents in them. If you jump in the car to run to the store and forget your wallet with your license in it and you are stopped . . . oh well . . . you just spent $173. And the fine for not having all three documents is $519!!! Forward to people in NJ, and let them know of this change. And be careful, the fine for hand held cell phone use while driving will be going up to $180.00. MY TWO CENTS: The first part of this email has been around for quite some time and versions of it have also appeared in other states . . . for more information, please click: http://www.snopes.com/politics/traffic/speeding.asp However, I'm running this email in its entirety because it does contain useful information . . . namely, that folks shouldn't speed! * Deb in Colorado (with a REQUEST FOR HELP): I recently accepted the challenge to raise funds to support the New Jersey Race for the Cure on October 14th in the fight against breast cancer. One in eight women will get breast cancer in her lifetime, and the more we raise, the more the Susan G. Komen for the Cure Central and South Jersey Affiliate can give back to fund vital breast cancer education and screening programs in our own community and support the national search for a cure. Click here to visit my personal page and pledge your support: http://events.komencsnj.org/site/TR?pg=personal&fr_id=1000&px=1005615 Please join me in the fight by pledging in support of my participation in the Race or contributing generously to the New Jersey Race for the Cure Your tax-deductible contribution will fund innovative outreach and awareness programs for medically underserved communities in Central and South Jersey and national breast cancer research. It is faster and easier than ever to support this great cause--you can make a donation online by simply clicking on the above link. Whatever you can give will help! I truly appreciate your support and will keep you posted on my progress. Thank you so much for your time and support in the fight against breast cancer! Every step counts! Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 3. Chocolates When I was in London, I went to buy some chocolates. The cashier was like, “That will be ten pounds.” I'm like, “Rub it in, why don't you?” SOURCE: Carol Leifer, an American comedienne Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 4. Reviews A. 2 DAYS IN PARIS is noteworthy for the fact that it was directed, written and produced by French actress Julie Delpy, who also stars in it . . . it is a romantic comedy about a woman who brings her American boyfriend to Paris, causing a stir among both her old boyfriends and parents . . . parts of the film were funny, and I liked the dialogue . . . I also liked the work of Adam Goldberg as the boyfriend . . . this is his first major starring role, and I'm hopeful that he will be in many more films . . . yet overall, 2 DAYS left me flat and as such, I can't really recommend it--despite some great reviews from most critics . . . rated R. B. There not being much "out there" in terms of new DVD releases, I revisited MRS. MINIVER when it was on TV recently (but can also be rented from blockbuster.com or netflix.com) . . . it is a moving drama about a middle-class English family that is forced to cope with World War II . . . Greer Garson gives an Academy Award-winning performance as the lovely matriarch . . . the film won five other Oscars in 1943, including one for Best Picture . . . not rated, but methinks appropriate for anybody over the age of 11. TIDBIT I JUST LEARNED: MRS. MINIVER ends with a morale-boosting final speech that President Franklin Roosevelt ordered printed and air-dropped over war-torn Europe. C. Renowned social psychologists Carol Travis and Elliot Aronson have written a truly fascinating book, MISTAKES WERE MADE (BUT NOT BY ME). . . its subtitle made me want to read it even more: WHY WE JUSTIFY FOOLISH BELIEFS, BAD DECISIONS AND HURTFUL ACTS because I have long observed this tendency--even in my own life. The authors make what could be a dry subject come alive by the use of many examples . . . in addition, I liked how they incorporated much research--cited in nearly 40 pages of endnotes--but made it come alive via a lively writing style. When they explained how our memories tell more about what we believe now than what really happened then, I had to laugh . . . and recall the story of how I once took Risa, my daughter, to my first home . . . from there, I proceeded to take her to my elementary school, which I could have sworn was nearly a mile away . . . in reality, it turned out to be less than two short blocks away! MISTAKES WERE MADE further shows how couples can break out of the "he said,she said" spiral of blame and defensiveness, and perhaps most importantly, how all of us can learn to own up and let go of the need to be right. There were many memorable passages in the book; among those that most caught my attention were the following: * The same DNA that exonerates an innocent person can be used to identify the guilty one, but this rarely happens. Of all the convictions the Innocence Project has succeeded in overturning so far, there is not a single instance in which the police later tried to find the actual perpetrator of the crime. The police and prosecutors just close the books on the case completely, as if to obliterate its silent accusation of the mistake they made. * De Klerk, who had been elected president in 1989, knew that a violent revolution was all but inevitable. The fight against apartheid was escalating; sanctions imposed by other countries were having a significant impact on the nation's economy; supporters of the banned African National Congress were becoming increasingly violent, killing and torturing people whom they believed were collaborating with the white regime. De Klerk could have tightened the noose by instituting even more repressive policies in the desperate hope of preserving white power. Instead, he revoked the ban on the ANC and freed Mandela from the prison in which he had spent twenty-seven years. For this part, Mandela could have found entirely legitimate. Instead, he relinquished anger for the sake of the goal to which he had devoted his life. "If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy," said Mandela. "Then he becomes your partner." In 1993, both men shared the Nobel Peace Prize, and the following year Mandela was elected president of South Africa. * Making mistakes is central to the education of budding scientists and artists of all kinds, who must have the freedom to experiment, try this idea, flop, try another idea, take a risk, be willing to get the wrong answer. One classic example, once taught to American schoolchildren and still on many inspirational Web sites in various versions, is Thomas Edison's reply to his assistant (or to a reporter), who was lamenting Edison's ten thousand experimental failures in his effort to create the first incandescent light bulb. "I have not failed," he told the assistant (or reporter). "I successfully discovered 10,000 elements that don't work." Most American children, however, denied the freedom to noodle around, experiment, and be wrong in ten ways, let alone ten thousand. The focus on constant testing, which grew out of reasonable desire to measure and standardize children's accomplishments, has intensified their fear of failure. It is certainly important for children to learn to succeed; but it is just as important for them to learn not to fear failure. When children or adults fear failure, they fear risk. They can't afford to be wrong. That said, you won't go wrong by reading MISTAKES WERE MADE . . . I was so impressed by it that I now plan to get copies of the book for many of my colleagues at my college, in that they will be able to relate to much of it . . . so will you. NOTE: For more information, please also see Section 2. D. An organization called L.A. Theatre Works brings together top actors to perform classic and contemporary plays, recorded in state-of-the art sound quality . . . I've heard several of these in the past and have never been disappointed . . . so when I had the chance to listen to Neil Simon's LOST IN YONKERS, I jumped at the opportunity. What a marvelous time I had! The play is set in Yonkers in 1942 . . . two boys, aged 13 and 16, have to spend one year with their demanding grandmother after their mother dies and their father needs to find work elsewhere . . . they encounter all sorts of memorable characters, and I really felt that I got to know each and every one of them. The performances were all excellent, though in particular, I was touched by the work of Roxanne Hart as Aunt Bella. I now want to see the movie version of this play and, also, catch more productions from L.A. Theatre Works . . . for more information, please click: http://www.latw.org/ Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 5. TV alert A. CUSTODY has Rob Morrow and James Denton competing to be the dad of Kay Panabaker in a TV drama that should be poignant . . . Saturday at 9 p.m. on LIFETIME. B. The sex lives of three couples are intimately charted in a new drama, TELL ME YOUR LOVE ME . . . according to TV GUIDE, it stars Ally Walker, Sonya Walger "and a few body parts rarely seen even on premium cable" . . . Sunday at 9 p.m. on HBO. C. CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM opens its sixth season on Sunday at 10 p.m. on HBO . . . I'm just annoyed that I had to wait two long years after the last finale for this comedy, starring Larry David, that is my favorite show on TV. D. ALIVE DAY MEMORIES is an HBO documentary, in which actor James Gandolfini talks with wounded Iraq war vets . . . THE WALL STREET JOURNAL calls it "an extraordinary program about extraordinary people" . . . Sunday at 10:30 p.m. on HBO. Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 6. Nine months later Nine months later Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. They loaded up in Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night. "I realize it's terrible weather out there, and I have this huge house all to myself, but I 'am recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house." "Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way. They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend. He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from when we went skiing?" Bob replied, "Yes, I do." "Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?" "Yes," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out. "I have to admit that I did." "And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?" Bob's face turned red and he said, "Yeah, sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?" "She just died and left me everything." (And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you? Now keep that smile for the rest of the day!) Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 7. Websites A. Pat in Pennsylvania: Speaking of retirement . . . Here are two websites you can click on to get an idea of how much you will need or expect to have when you retire: http://www.choosetosave.org/ http://www.Fidelity.com (then click on "My Plan") Hope this helps. B. Bob in New Jersey: I bet you and Cynthia know all about this. A young friend is connected with this company, and it is amazing. Put in your any zip code, and you can find folks with similar interests. The results are astonishing. http://www.meetup.com/ WHAT I FOUND OUT: I hadn't been familiar with this, and Bob is right--as he often is. The results ARE astonishing. In my area alone, I found 22 groups of people who are interested in movies. C. BLAINESWORLD, the website, remains up and running . . . to view it, please click: http://www.blainesworld.net From time to time, I mention work that when I'm not teaching, I do work as an arbitrator and/or mediator . . . should you be interested in utilizing my services, please go to the left and click "Dispute Resolution" . . . you can then read more about my background. Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 8. Computer tip You might be both receiving and sending files that end with the following extension: .pptx . . .that's fine if you have Office 2007, but not so fine for anybody else. My strong suggestion is that if you use the above software, please save all files in the old .doc format . . . that way, they can be read by virtually anybody. Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 9. That’s the way the cookie crumbles It’s not enough for fortune cookies to tell you what you want to hear. These fortune cookies tell you what you need to hear: Someone will find great prosperity and happiness by stealing your identity. Yes, you do have something between your teeth. Your ex-wife wants you to try the shrimp. There is no toilet paper in the women’s bathroom. You only think you know how to use chopsticks. No one at the table wants you to linger over one last cup of tea before you leave. Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 10. A quote I like Four short words sum up what has lifted most successful individuals above the crowd: a little bit more. They did all that was expected of them and a little bit more.--A. Lou Vickery, American author Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 11. Thought for the day A modern parable A Japanese company (Toyota) and an American company (Ford Motors) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River . Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race. On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action. Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing. Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to include: 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager. They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program" with meetings, dinners, free pens, and a certificate of completion for the rower. There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices, and bonuses. The next year the Japanese won by two miles. Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower (a reduction in workforce) for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was "out-sourced" to India. Sadly, the End. However, sad, but oh so true! Here's something else to think about: Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US, claiming they can't make money paying American wages. Toyota has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US . The last quarter's results: Toyota makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses. Ford folks are still scratching their heads. IF THIS WASN'T SO SAD IT MIGHT BE FUNNY! Author unknown (if you know who wrote this and/or the source, please let me know.) Back to Top _________________________________________________________ 12. Advance planning department A. Cynthia (see also Section 1A) in New Jersey: Just wanted to describe this new form of dance that I will be teaching. JourneyDance/Move Your Body is a transformative, freeing movement experience. Using inspiring music from around the world, you are softly led into easy-to-follow movements. At times, you follow, you move intuitively on your own, or you may choose to lead only if you are comfortable. For more information, see below for upcoming programs; also:cgreenfield1001@aol.com 609.731.0808 Princeton Center for Yoga and Health 50 Vreeland Drive Suite 506 Skillman, NJ http://www.princetonyoga.com
609.924.7794 * Sunday, September 16: 11:00 a.m.-12:30; $15 drop-in fee * Sunday, September 23: 2:00-5:00 p.m.; Fundraiser for children at St. Jude's Hospital Other activities also: yoga, pilates, etc. Contact Center for more information and what you need to do to participate. B. Please feel free to accept my invitation to one of my upcoming Marketing classes on Tuesday, September 18, at 6:30 p.m. at Bucks County Community College . . . I'll be presenting on "Positioning: How to differentiate yourself from the competition" . . . location: Penn 410 . . . NO CHARGE, but please email to let me know if you'll be coming in case there's any change in plans. C. Susie in New Jersey: The Provincetown Fringe Festival in Asbury Park & The Black Box of Asbury Park present THE VAGINA MONOLGOUES by Eve Ensler as part of the 5th Annual Women’s Arts Festival. THE VAGINA MONOLGUES is an open-minded creation of how various women view their vaginas. The show has outrageous humor and is complex and realistic without sensationalizing its subject matter. Ensler talked to over 200 women about their vaginas. Ensler says that at first women were reluctant and shy to talk but once they got going, you couldn’t stop them. This is an award-winning, groundbreaking play into the forbidden zone at the heart of every woman. The cast includes Anna Oleinik, Christine Emmert, Georgette Reilly Timoney, Judith Waxberg, Lesley Castellini, Marie Cathleen, Marjorie Conn, and Susie Marco. PERFORMANCES: Friday and Saturday, September 28, 29 at 7 p.m. Sunday matinee, September 30 at 3 p.m. Friday and Saturday, October 5, 6 at 7 p.m. Since October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, proceeds from these performances will be donated to 180 Turning Lives Around, Monmouth County's domestic abuse shelter and The Monmouth County Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. These organizations have formed a special partnership. The pets of victims of domestic violence are cared for at the MCSPCA free of charge while their human companions are turning their lives around. All performances are at the Stephen Crane House, 508 Fourth Avenue in Asbury Park. Following each performance audience members and cast members are invited to share in a short discussion. Information: 732.807.4052 Admission: $10 _________________________________________________________ PS. Here's hope that you get to celebrate Labor Day together with loved ones and friends . . . in addition, please give some thought to its significance: "Labor Day differs in every essential way from the other holidays of the year in any country," said Samuel Gompers, founder and longtime president of the American Federation of Labor. "All other holidays are in a more or less degree connected with conflicts and battles of man's prowess over man, of strife and discord for greed and power, of glories achieved by one nation over another. Labor Day...is devoted to no man, living or dead, to no sect, race, or nation." Labor Day, the first Monday in September, is a creation of the labor movement and is dedicated to the social and economic achievements of American workers. It constitutes a yearly national tribute to the contributions workers have made to the strength, prosperity, and well-being of our country. For more information, please click: http://www.dol.gov/opa/aboutdol/laborday.htm Also, please join me in praying that we soon get our remaining soldiers back from Iraq and that peace resumes in Israel . . . make it a great week, too! Back to Top ---------------------------------------------------------- SUBSCRIBE/UNSUBCRIBE INFORMATION If you or somebody you know wants to subscribe to BLAINESWORLD, have them drop me an e-mail to that effect . . . new readers are always welcome . . . my address is: bginbc@aol.com In the unlikely event you wish to unsubscribe, notify me at the same email address.
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