C. MR. CURIOUS HERE (and a strong suggestion):

When my mom died, her finances were in fairly good shape; i.e.,
with one big exception.

It involved a Putnam Hartford Capital Manager Variable Annuity
that was set up as follows: Muriel Greenfield Revocable Living Trust.

My father was named as the Successor. Unfortunately, nobody else
was named as a Successor Trustee. And therein lies the problem.

There is a death benefit that Hartford still has--but Hartford says
it won't release that benefits until it is ordered to do so by the court.

The court says it won't order the release of the death benefit until
the original Trust document can be found. When we were in court, the
judge said he needed to be sure that the death benefits were intended
for my brother or me. He told us to go find that original document, setting
up the trust--though we told him it can't be found.

We can't find it with my mother's stuff--and we have searched endlessly
for it. The lawyer who set up the Trust (a guy who had scammed my
folks out of some $200,000 in off-shore drilling investment) said he
no longer had the original document.

Hartford said it doesn't have the original document; it only has the
first and last pages.

Merrill Lynch shows the contract under my mom's account, but says it
does not hold the Trust document. I think Merrill only showed the contract
because my parents had listed it when they set up their Merrill Lynch
accounts.

So that said:

Any suggestions on how to handle this mess? We are working
with a lawyer specializing in elder law, and we believe she is a good
one . . . but she is getting as frustrated as we are with this mess.

The strong suggestion:

If you need to handle the finances of your parents or other relatives,
make sure you know where all their financial documents are kept.
And that they are up to date, especially with respect to beneficiaries.

When and if it becomes necessary for you to take over matters, do it
sooner rather than later if possible. By the time my mom "allowed" me
to write her checks, she was paying my father's cellphone bill (though
he hadn't used one for some five years), she was making a contribution
to virtually any charity--legitimate or not--who sent her direct mail, etc.

Also, please initiate any financial discussions when all parties are
of sound mind. 

D. CONGRATULATIONS to Linda Jacobs . . . her company,
Soup to Nuts, was named Best Caterer in Bucks County
by the PHILADELPHIA INQUIRER . . .  some other good
news about her company (to quote from an email she recently
sent me):

Another exciting happening this year is working with Bucks
County Foodshed Alliance and other local farms. I've always
preferred local and seasonal food. Now besides, the fresh
taste and nutrition, we are now made aware of carbon
footprints.   I'm so excited about the work of the local farmers
to make it available. 

For more information about Soup to Nuts, please click:

http://www.SouptoNutsCuisine.com

CONGRATULATIONS, also, to my friend Gina in North Carolina . . . she
and Michael were recently married and are now back from their honeymoon
in Ocean Isle Beach, NC . . . if you'd like to see pictures from the wedding,
please click:

http://www.myspace.com/fancyfullone

***** BLAINESWORLD BEST AWARD *****

This week, it goes to John Dumont--the lawyer who handled the closing
for the recent sale of our Belle Mead home in New Jersey.

He also drew up the lease agreement that is now enabling us
to stay here until the middle of December.

I was very impressed with how John returned every call, as well
as every email . . . he did so in a prompt, professional manner.

His advice was always valued, and it helped us to  wrap up things
as quickly as we did.

Pat Fell, his assistant, also helped make life easier for us.

Should you want to contact John, your best bet is via
phone (609.688.9353) or via email: jhd@dumontwatsonlaw.com.
 
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2. FYI

Advice-giving on the other hand, though well-intended, poses some
difficulties. If your friend takes your suggestions, but the outcome isn't
positive, both of you will feel uncomfortable. If your advice is ignored,
however, you may find yourself feeling somewhat offended. The best
advice? Let your friends know you are always there to listen, and if real
advice is required, share the name of your therapist.

SOURCE:

THE ART OF FRIENSHIP (see also Sections 4C, 10 and 11) by Roger
Horchow and Sally Horchow 

FYI, part 2

* Bob Greene, one of my favorite authors:
 
What a great, great letter, and what a wonderful and generous review.
 
I'm so glad you enjoyed it.  Some of the things you pointed out in
particular--especially what you said about the importance of "We Play,"
and so many of the other observations you made-- make me know that
you understood exactly why I was telling the story the way I did.  Thank you.
 
I apologize for the delay in writing back to you. I was out covering the
presidential campaign for CNN, and I received your letter and review
when we were traveling across the country. This is the first I've been able
to let you know just how much your kind words meant to me.
 
If you should be in touch with any of your friends who you think might like
WHEN WE GET TO SURF CITY, I'll be very grateful if you recommend it
to them, the way you did in the review. I'd love for this story to be shared
by those you think might like to come along on the journey.
 
Again, thanks so much for your kind words about my writing, and the
eloquent thoughts behind them. They mean a lot.

* Bob in New Jersey (commenting on an article I had sent him: Laura
Landro, "Hospitals Seek to Limit Use of Transfusions,"
wsj.com, 10.29.2008):

What a great WSJ article on Blood Transfusions.

They provided some great questions that consumers should always
ask about getting a blood transfusion:

Will I need a transfusion? If so, why?

What are the risks involved with blood transfusions?

What are the risks if I choose to minimize or avoid blood transfusions?

Will I need iron, vitamins or medications to increase my blood count
for this surgery?

If I do need a transfusion, how will it affect my recovery time? 

Once you decide that you need to have a transfusion, there is an important
thing, as a consumer, to assure.  Make sure that the nurses (there should
be two) who bring the blood to your bedside are sure of a few things. They
need to positively identify YOU, the patient. They need to positively identify
that the blood is signed out to YOU.  And they need to assure that the
prescription or order from your physician is verified that it is for YOU. This
will involve plenty of checking, re-checking, double-checking and then
verifying verbally. Blood should always be administered by two
professionals, not one, always talking to each other and to the patient
constantly to prevent any mistake. Consumers should always ask that
the wrist bands be verified, and the patient (if possible) should be
an active part of this process. 

Administration of blood products is a rigorous system that should
not be viewed as casual, even if the patient is getting the 20th unit
of blood in two days. "Casual" is not appropriate in any part of patient
care, especially in anything to do with blood products and transfusion. 
Your nurse will be pleased to teach you the protocol they go through
because they know that the nurse's best friend is an educated,
involved patient.  

There are 400,000 websites talking about blood transfusion safety. 
Investigate!

* Henry in Pennsylvania:

Have you or someone you know sought help for a health issue within
the past 2 years? The process may or may not have flowed smoothly
for you or the person concerned, though for over 70 million Americans,
access to quality care has become very difficult, as highlighted
in the recent election campaign.

"Sick Around the World" is a gripping documentary (aired on PBS Frontline
April 15, 2008) that discusses the delivery of medical care in 5 capitalist
countries (The U.K., Japan, Germany, Taiwan and Switzerland) as
compared to the United States. Please watch this very informative
45 minute video at:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/pages/frontline/sickaroundtheworld/

Or better still, call Dr. Henry D'Silva (215-860-7442 or 267-679-0617)
to schedule a viewing and a discussion for your group. And if you have
an interest in local solutions to this major national crisis, please visit:

http://www.buckshealthcare.org

* Diane in Pennsylvania, on behalf of her husband Bill and the rest
of the Lewis family:

A Letter of Thanks

Little did I know that on Sunday, August 10th, when I said good-bye to Bill
and when he left for church, my whole life would be changed forever in a
split second.

I will never forget that day as I was home preparing dinner and I received
a phone call that Bill had a very serious accident while trimming branches
at church.

I remember driving with my sister to Frankford Torresdale Hospital praying
that Bill would not have either a spinal cord injury or brain damage.

When the doctor came out and told me that they had to med-i-vac Bill to
Jefferson, I knew my worst fears had come true as one could only imagine.

After many tests and countless hours, the doctors came out and informed
us of Bill's injuries. He had three dislocated fingers, a tear in his aorta and
his spinal cord had been almost completely severed. Leaving Bill, with
only a 3% chance of ever walking or having any movement again from his
chest down.

After Bill's operation to put his spine back into place with rods and many
screws, he developed pneumonia from being on a ventilator and under
heavy sedation for so long. Because Bill could not breathe on his own at
this time, the doctors had no choice but to put a trachea in him.

Slowly as the weeks past, Bill's progress starting to improve. I believe
that because of our family and friends like you, that Bill could hear each
visit and your prayers, thoughts, and support that God brought him through
the worst.

After a month at Jefferson, Bill was transferred to Magee Rehab where
Bill and myself would have to learn how to live our life in a whole different way.

Everyday Bill goes to physical, occupational, group, and speech therapy
learning his new way of life, never once saying "WHY ME?".

It has been three months now and because of Bill's positive outlook on
life, and because he always lives his life with the glass half full, I know
that has helped Bill get through his recovery.

I know that we have a long journey ahead of us, however, I know in my
heart with the help, support and love of my family and friends, we will get
through all of this.

On behalf of myself, Bill and our children, we want to take this opportunity
to express our sincerest appreciation for your contributions, prayers, and
support. We are deeply grateful for your generosity. All of the funds will go
towards medical equipment and making our house handicapped accessible.

Bill would like everyone to know that his body may be broken, but his spirit
will never be.

In closing, we would just like to say thank you once again.

SPECIAL THANKS to the many readers who wrote to help the mother
who posted the anonymous question about her son's psoriasis;
among them:

* Sue in Pennsylvania:

http://www.earthclinic.com/CURES/psoriasis.html

Apple cider vinegar works wonders; see the above website
for information . . . recommend organic acv . . . start slowly . . . maybe
1 teaspoon per 8 oz. water . . . build up to one or two tablespoons
per 8 oz. . . . it's difficult at first, but gets easier . . . .I used it to treat
my ulcer . . . can also use it in a bath . . . and there are some shampoos
out there that have acv in it.

* Vicki in New Jersey:

I have psoriasis, and it started when I was 27 & I'm 50 now. My best
friend has it also; hers is worse and she has it everywhere. She's on
Enbrel and gives herself injections. I know it's extremely costly and the
Dr. has to prove that he/she tried everything else in order for the
insurance to approve Enbrel.

There are also pills but after a period of time you need a liver
biopsy, so I decided not to take them.

I use temovate ointment (keeps the skin moist). It's like Vaseline and
is annoying because it gets on other things: sheets etc. At times,
it is so bad I have to use the ointment and then Saran Wrap
around my legs, elbows or wear plastic gloves on my hands at night.

I had it in the scalp, behind the ears, and thought it was snowing all
the time. My Dr. gave me a small bottle, of clear liquid that I used
daily and it cleared up. The worst thing for me was and is scratching. 
Scratching makes it so much worse. I itched and then bleed, the itch is
that bad. So bad he wanted to give me tranquilizers, but I said no. 
When it came to the scalp, I scratched and then used the liquid
medication. It burned from scratching. I used to pat the area instead
of scratching and it helped. Thank God it cleared up. I can't recall
the name of the medicine but I have an Dr's appointment on Tuesday and
I'll ask him.

* Gary in New Jersey:

Ava and I have been going to Dr. Kevin Holder in South Orange for 15 years.
He is a board certified internist, but practices holistic medicine. He
does miraculous things when the mainstream doctors say there is nothing
else to be done. If you are desperate, it may be worth an appointment to
see him . . . . Once he sees you, he will spend as much time with you
as necessary. Great bedside manner. His contact information:Dr. Kevin
Holder, 5 Stanley Road, South Orange, NJ; Tel: 973.762.6077.

Good luck!
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3. Punctuality

When asked her opinion on punctuality, an applicant for an office job
assured the interviewer that she thought it was extremely important.
“I used periods, commas, and question marks all the time,” she said.

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4. Reviews

A. Kevin Smith's ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO is definitely not
for anybody who is offended by foul-language . . . but if that doesn't
bother you, methinks you'll enjoy this raunchy comedy that's
surprisingly romantic . . . it is about a guy, Seth Rogen, and a
his platonic pal, Elizabeth Banks, who live together in order
to save money on both their housing and bills . . . when they
become really down on their luck, a chance encounter at their
10-year reunion gives them the idea to make a porn movie to
make some money . . . Rogen and Banks have great chemistry
in the leading roles, and I also liked the work of both Justin Long
and Craig Robinson . . . make sure you stay until the very end of the
credits for an add-on part to the film that most everybody else
will miss . . . rated R.

B. There are no new DVD releases that I can currently recommend,
so let me instead suggest a classic that I just revisited: ONE FLEW
OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST.

It is a satire about mental institutions that deservedly won the 1975
Academy Award for Best Picture . . . Jack Nicholson and Louise
Fletcher also won Oscars for Best Actor and Best Actress,
respectively . . . also, there's a brilliant ensemble that includes Brad
Dourif, Christopher Lloyd, Vincent Schiavelli, and Danny DeVito.

Parts of it had me laughing, while other parts moved me as much as
they did when I saw the film over three decades ago . . . rated R.

C. I'm so glad that I came across THE ART OF FRIENDSHIP (see also
Sections 2, 10 and 11) by Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow before
my upcoming move to Asheville, North Carolina.

Knowing virtually nobody there, I'm somewhat apprehensive about
how to go about meeting new folks  . . . yet the authors seem
to have made it simple for me by presenting--to quote the subtitle--70
SIMPLE RULES FOR MAKING MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS.

For example, here's one idea that I had never thought about:

* Host a party for your good friends and ask each of your guests to bring
one person that you don't know.

I then got a kick out of this suggestion for dealing with the problem
of forgetting somebody's name:

* Say, "Nice to see you" rather than "Nice to meet you." No one wants
to think they were so completely forgettable that you've blanked out
the first meeting.

Lastly, there was this useful suggestion for avoiding banalities that
get you nowhere in a conversation:

* Unless you are a meteorologist or a farmer, there is usually nothing
vitally interesting in a discussion of the weather. . . . Your goal is
to learn about the person you are talking to, not make empty noise.

I strongly recommend THE ART OF FRIENDSHIP to anybody
interested in making or meeting new friends--even if you think
you already have more than enough . . . by chance, even if you fall into the
latter category, you'll be pleasantly surprised to pick up some new
techniques that will help you strengthen existing friendships.

D. Heard ATTRACTING TERRIFIC PEOPLE--written and read
by Dr. Lillian Glass.

Glass, a media personality and communication specialist, talks about
the fact that if you want good people in your life, you have to be
one yourself . . . she suggests that you think about five people
you admire or respect . .  then list the positive characteristics
that best describe their personality; e.g., accepting, alive, balanced,
caring, generous, joyous, passionate, etc. . . then seek other
people with these same characteristics.

Another idea that I liked was the following: Use compliments as
perfect icebreakers. For instance, tell somebody, "You look great
in that dress. Where's you get it?"

Glass also stressed the need to:

* Visualize the people you want to be around you.

* Utilize the Spiral of Friendship. Always share terrific people
you know with others.

* Don't negative to negative people.

* Treat the ones you love better than anybody else in the world.

* Learn one new thing each day.

* Always want the best for others.

My enjoyment of ATTRACTING TERRIFIC PEOPLE was enhanced
by the author's enthusiastic and absolutely terrific narration.  

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5. TV alert

A. 30 ROCK continues with interesting guest stars . . . this time
it's Jennifer Aniston, playing a stalker . . . Thursday at 9:30 p.m.
on NBC.

B. Chandra Wilson, one of the stars of GREY'S ANATOMY, stars as
homeless woman Yvonne in A FALL FROM SEATTLE GRACE,
a fact-based cable drama on Saturday at 9 p.m. on HALLMARK.

C. RICKY GERVAIS: OUT OF ENGLAND--THE STAND-UP SPECIAL
airs on Saturday at 9 p.m. on HBO . . . I liked him in GHOST TOWN,
a recent movie in which he starred, so will try to check this out.

D. FILTH is MASTERPIECE CONTEMPORARY movie that TV GUIDE
calls "a clever, hipper look at a subject [premarital sex] that continues
to ruffle feathers today" . . . Sunday at 9 p.m. on PBS . . . because
PBS times and dates often vary, please check local listings.

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6. Celebration

A friend's wife, a professor of medicine, has published five books. After
she'd written her latest one, my friend stopped at a market to buy
some chocolate and champagne. 

“Are you celebrating something?” asked the clerk as he bagged my items. 

“Yes,” my friend replied proudly. “My wife just finished a book.” 

He paused a moment. “Slow reader?”

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7. Websites

A. If you like to shop online,  please click:

http://shopping.yahoo.com/articles/yshoppingarticles/142best-shopping-deals-online/

By using these websites you can save a lot of money . . . best of all:
you'll probably still have money to buy something for yours truly. (Hint-hint!)

B. Here's an IMPORTANT message that I'd like everybody to
view, regardless of the type of TV that I have:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/36608/talkshow-with-spike-feresten-cable-psa

I guarantee that it will make you appreciate your understanding
of technology, no matter how little you think that may be.

C. BLAINESWORLD, the website, remains up and running . . . to view it,
please click:

http://www.blainesworld.net

If you're new to this newsletter or website, please feel free to check out
"Blaine's Best" to the left, then "Pictures" . . . you'll see shots
of yours truly, as well as of my friends and relatives . . . make sure you
keep your sound on to listen to what's arguably the greatest rock song
of all time!

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8. Computer tip

If you order stuff online, make sure you are on a "secure" site before
you give your name, address or credit card details. Look for the picture
of the unbroken key or closed lock in your browser window.

If you don't see such a picture, don't go any further. Period.

For more information on this important topic, please click:

http://www.safeshopping.org/

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9. Rebukes and insults, Part 1 of 2

Particularly literate people have a way of delivering rebukes and insults.
In fact, they do it a lot better than I do. Among my favorites:

"A graceful taunt is worth a thousand insults."--Louis Nizer

"I feel so miserable without you. It's almost like having you
here."--Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator."--John Bright

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I
admire."--Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest
about."--Winston Churchill

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial."--Irvin S. Cobb

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure."--Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader
to the dictionary."--William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from
big words?--Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"He had delusions of adequacy."--Walter Kerr

(to be concluded next week)

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10. A quote I like

In each conversation, listen carefully and pick up at least one thing you
did not know before.--Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow in THE ART
OF FRIENDSHIP (see also Sections 2, 4C and 10) 

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11. Thought for the day

When I REALLY like a book, I'll mention it in four separate sections
of this missive . . . that's the case with THE ART OF FRIENSHIP (see
also Sections 2, 4C and 10) by Roger Horchow and Sally Horchow,
the source of this following passage:

Friendships aren't based on a tit-for-tat exchange system, which is why
when you choose to send a long e-mail or letter, it's nice to let people off
the hook and let them know that you don't expect them to respond in kind
if they can't or don't want to. Write "Read/respond when you can" or "No
response necessary" at the top of the letter or as the subject line of an
e-mail to get this across. Ted Cross, a family friend, takes a more amusing
approach, attaching a note to a clipping that says: "Don't you dare respond
to this." A rule of thumb in writing a quick e-mail to simply touch base
with a friend is to limit the length of what will fit on a sticky note (a
small one).

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12. Advance planning department

A. The Princeton Varsity Club presents "A Conversation with Larry
Lucchino '67 and Wyc Grousbeck '83"  at 7:30 p.m. on Thursday
in Princeton University's McCosh 50.
 
Mr. Lucchino is the current president and CEO of the Boston Red Sox
and has served as president/CEO of the Baltimore Orioles and the San
Diego Padres. Under his watch, both the Orioles and the Padres built
new stadiums. Mr. Grousbeck is CEO of the Boston Celtics.
 
The two men's appearance is the latest installment in the university's '51
PVC Speaker Series. Admission is FREE.

B. With the advent of a young, stylish mom as First Lady in January,
many people are remembering the woman who set a very high bar,
indeed, for First Ladies of that description--Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy.
 
Making the case that there was more to "Jackie" than Chanel outfits and
Casini gowns is Kathleen Galop, Esq., who will speak about Mrs. Kennedy's
impressive legacy in the field of historic preservation at 7:30 p.m.
at the Mary Jacobs Memorial Library, Rocky Hill.
 
Ms. Galop serves as principal of Preservation Possibilities, an historic
preservation consulting firm. She has extensive experience and a national
reputation in the administration of historic preservation projects.
 
Admission is FREE. The program is offered through the Horizons Speakers
Bureau of the NJ Council for the Humanities.

C. Are you a former or present student of mine?

If so, you may know that this is the last semester I'll be teaching
traditional courses at Bucks County Community College . . . and
to mark the occasion, I'm hosting a farewell reception/networking
event that I'd very much like you to attend.

Date: Tuesday, December 9

Thursday, December 11 is the backup date if there's bad weather

Time: 7:29 p.m.

Location: Fireside Lounge

Dessert will be served . . . if you can make it (hopefully, the answer
is YES!), please RSVP to me if you haven't done so already . . . put
YES FOR DECEMBER 9 in your subject line . . . more details to follow.

A REQUEST:

Please share the above invite with any other students on mine that
you may know. Thank you!

_________________________________________________________

PS. Quick question: What holiday is being celebrated on Tuesday?

A. Veteran's Day
B. Veterans' Day
C. Veterans Day

There is debate on the subject, but the most accepted answer
seems to be "C" . . . for more information on this burning controversy,
please click:

http://www.columbiamissourian.com/stories/2007/11/09/apostrophe-sparks-veterans-day-conundrum/

Regardless of how you spell it, please join me in honoring ALL American
veterans on the above day . . . to find out even more about the holidays,
please click:

http://usmilitary.about.com/cs/generalinfo/a/veteransday.htm

Also, please join me in praying that we soon get our remaining soldiers
back from Iraq and that peace resumes in Israel . . . and make it
a great week!

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